I’m writing this in a semi-passed out state, at 3.45 in the morning, in an attempt to keep myself awake in order to supervise Beau, who apparently just doesn’t sleep anymore…like NEVER! I know I love this kid, but right now I’m really struggling to remember why! (I joke of course, he’s the cutest little squiggle muffin on the planet)….but seriously, if he would just sleep it might give him some extra brownie points.
I know all parents are probably tired and sleep-deprived, and it’s not a competition, but if it was….I should win! As I like to remind John on a daily basis. Exhaustion does some strange things to your body – I ache constantly, even though I havent really done anything, I have the foggiest memory ever, like couldn’t even tell you what I had for dinner last night……but oh my god, if John even attempts to play the “I’m knackered card”, I can literally relay every single night and the amount of hours sleep me and Beau have had for the past 3 weeks! – There’s NO way I’m letting him win that one!!
I suppose that’s one of the joys of being the “stay-at-home” parent. when any of the children are up in the night, I can hardly expect John to stay awake when he has to get up in the morning for work. Dont get me wrong there is still a lot of muttering under my breath, or “accidentally” kicking John REALLY hard as I’m getting out of bed for the 6th time that night, but never the less I do it. (John isn’t a complete arsehole, and does help, but our kids wake up A LOT in the night) Even the girls. Now I was under the impression that once they stop feeding in the night they’re supposed to sleep through?! Turns out my kids didn’t get the memo!! It doesn’t help that Beau is part boy, part horse apparently, who likes to gallop, drum and sing at the top of his voice regardless of the time of night, or whether the rest of the house are asleep.
This whole lack of sleep thing isn’t new with Beau, he sort of goes through phases, he can go weeks of going to sleep at 7.30 and sleeping through the whole twelve hours. Then just as I think maybe he’s finally settling into a routine, he’ll look at my well rested face (or just less haggard than usual complection) and think….”hahaha!!!”
At the moment Beau’s going through a sleep phase i like to refer to as “false hope”. He will sometimes fall asleep at 7ish, come 11, I’ll think “oh, maybe he’s outters for the night”…and then all of a sudden over the monitor I’ll hear the dreaded (albeit, beautiful) rendition of ‘The Greatest Showman’…….Or……He wont go to bed at what most people would call a childs normal bedtime, and by 9ish he’ll start to look quite tired, then out of nowhere he’ll have a burst of energy, which evidently comes from a bottomless pit, and will be using my sofa as a trampoline, or giving me my own private viewing of ‘Beau- the greatest hits’ at 4.30am. Considering he has a VERY limited diet and barely eats anything, he has as much stamina as someone who’s just downed 6 redbulls.
The all nighters wouldn’t be too bad, if when Beau does eventually fall asleep, I could go to sleep for a few hours too, but ohhhh noooo. Penelope and Alice don’t care about the fact that I’ve only had 2.5 hours sleep, they don’t care that I’m so tired I feel physically sick ( children can be selfish a-holes sometimes). And there is absolutely no chance of me catching a few z’s while the girls play nice and quiet!
Now, your probably wondering why don’t I just leave Beau in his bedroom when he’s awake at stupid o’clock in the morning ( and even if you’re not, I’m going to tell you anyway) First of all, being downstairs with him….and not in my warm cosy bed, really is the lesser of two evils, when you take into account just how much noise Beau makes when he’s left to his own devices really does wake up the entire house. So I would rather keep him downstairs and not have him wake Penny and Alice up too. And secondly, we used to leave him in his room with a film on, or the tablet (yes, I entertain my children using technology!) which was ok if he was fairly quiet, but it turns out Beau has become a bit of an escape artist…….I’ll set the scene
I left Beau in his bedroom watching Mulan, a couple of chocolate biscuits and a smoothie in case he got hungry, (he’s got a safety gate on his door so he can’t wander anywhere. I’m led in my bed trying to get an hour before having to put another film on for him – next thing I know, there’s loud banging noises coming from downstairs. I instantly think someone has broken in. I run downstairs trying to make as much noise as possible in the hopes of scaring off the burglar. Run into the livingroom, my heart is in my mouth at this point. And what do I find….a butt naked Beau stood on the windowsill banging the hell out of the window! He’s managed to get out of his room a few times now, so it’s just safer for him if I’m downstairs with him, when sleep is no longer a priority.
I know this phase wont last, and eventually he’ll crash and burn, where he’ll catch up on all the sleep he’s missed and sleep for 14 hours every night , plus have naps in school, but if only I had a crystal ball to know just how long I have to accept looking like a zombie who’s just raided the MAC counter, in order to look half decent and approachable.
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, maybe for sympathy, or to vent my resentment as John is all comfy cosy snuggled up in bed, while I’m sat here eyes burning as I’m waiting for Beau to pass out. And also just a little insight into why it may seem that I havent really made much of an effort to see people, or when I do socialize I’m not super chatty, and seem quite un-invested in the conversation. I’m usually a hoot (I’m not one to blow my own trumpet mind). I’m just really bloody knackered right now.